"The young men who would have the fighting to do in case of war, believed all these statements... They, too, cried out for a separation from such people...there was a firm feeling that a class existed...with a sort of divine right to control public affairs. If they could not get this control by one means they must by another. The end justified the means." - Ulysses S. Grant, Personal Memoirs Of U.S. Grant, Vol. 1
Disclaimer: This is theological-political satire inspired by the essay: My New Church – the NkRA? There is currently no NkRA church, Neo-Know Nothing Republican (Knicker) Party, nor an offer to trade in AR-15s for Kentucky Long Rifles.
That NkRA (Neo-Know Nothing Religion of the Armed) Revival at the Capitol got a little out of hand. But what a show of energy! Something the old NRA never matched in all their years. The flag was flying, vestments (camo, Kevlar vests, Viking hats) in full display, myths exploding, police staggering, sacrifices planned – and made.
The entire NkRA spectrum was on full display that day. From soccer moms to militia-types they were all there chanting and being uplifted as they beat up the cops. It all seemed like an agreeable day of spectacle…then cocktails, for many.
But there was something missing. Their guns. Where were their guns? All that body armor and no guns?
When folks discuss how much worse it could have been they really seem to underestimate what they are talking about. The potential massacre was of old-testament proportions. Not quite Archangels hurling fire and brimstone, or outer space lasers for that matter, but with blazing possibilities, nonetheless. Since the weapons burnished were mostly of the baseball bat, stun gun, and zip-tie variety one can lose sight of what those citizens were capable of, in theory anyway.
Collectively however they showed that they didn’t need their guns. Especially when carrying one might make them targets for the police officers they were attacking. Plus, they were having so much fun without them! Some seemed like they might even be auditioning for clown school or something, like the guy with the horns, the guy with his feet on Pelosi’s desk and the guy dancing off with her lectern. It was like something from the Three Stooges.
Folks were really looking forward to the follow up inauguration rallies pastors promised with musings like “…blood will flow out of the Capitol”, and the like. What a damper the 25,000 troops put on those. All over the country police and troops took all the air out it. Hardly anyone showed anywhere. Sort of like how it used to be at those neo-Nazi rallies in the old days. Like in the Blues Brothers when Jake and Elwood drove those brownshits off the bridge.
To Our Readers:
Today's post represents a departure from our typical as we begin to dive deep into a new documentary we are producing, So Flo Guns or: My New Church the NkRA? We've been working on the film since 2018 and this essay has appeared twice before in evolving forms since 2016. Please forgive us if it leans too far into the political realm but it's impossible to discuss these topics without doing so. We hope it proves useful to our collective understanding of each other. - Steve R.
Back in 2016 I wrote about the NRA as a kind of alternative church I was thinking about joining. Since then, I never have been too regular a member at the NRA church though I’m giving its new arm a fresh look.
Turns out there’s a schism going on with many of the fierier types separating into a new branch: The Neo-Know Nothing Religion of the Armed, or NkRA. How’s it different?
Just like 2016 I’ve read some thought-provoking Facebook posts from friends, family, and acquaintances recently. One even equated assault rifles to hammers as weapons used in killings (496 in 2011) and implied we need to control hammers if we are going to control assault rifles. Another said he packed a handgun in line at grocery stores, so he could protect himself and his neighbors in case a shooter attacked. Another said he’s a lion because he carries a gun while the rest of us are lambs.
Many Knickers I love (Neo-Know Nothing Republicans, an up-and-coming party of many NkRA members) take it up a notch with family posts about President Biden being a pedophile, and a friend or two explaining they might vote for Hitler today if he were running, assuming he supported policies they embrace.
Well, certainly being a lion sounds better than being a lamb, notwithstanding the Christian doctrine I’ve been following with its images of Jesus as shepherd, lamb; us as His flock, etc. These are crazy times after all, and Christianity seems a bit deficient, especially when one goes to a typical church nowadays where pews are plenty empty. Of course, being a NkRA devotee doesn’t mean you can’t still go to your old church if you feel like it. In fact, many Knickers still go to church on Easter and Christmas I’m assured.
So, I figure maybe this NkRA denomination just might be a reasonable facsimile for a church; especially since the passion it engenders seems so intense. But can it pass for a religion? Let’s see.